Friday, 21 March 2008

Mister kedelai


Baru-baru ini saya dapet order jadi panitia Pelatihan PLC. Ini bukan sejenis pelatihan ‘Gimana caranya bikin lemper keju yang efektif berbasis microcontroller’. Bukan pelatihan kaya gitu, tapi ini adalah pelatihan memprogram mesin PLC.

Tapi di sini saya enggak mau ngejelasin tentang PLC, soalnya belum lulus praktikum Otomasi.

Kembali ke pelatihan PLC. Kalo boleh fles bek sebentar, pelatihan sebelumnya sukses besar. Tiket laku keras kaya bread talk, bahkan kita sampe nolak-nolak peserta. Maklum kita-kita kan orang ganteng, jadi harus selektif. Btw Tiket tahun lalu seharga Rp 175.000,00. Itu duit semua, enggak campur bisul. Pesertanya 30 orang, jadi kita dapet masukan 175rb x 30 orang = 5.250.000 orang. Padahal kapasitas ruangan Cuma 30 makhluk. Tapi kita berani nerima 5.250.000 ekor. Jadi deh jus manusia…

Melihat kesuksesan tersebut. Kali ini kita berani menaikkan harga menjadi 250rb rupiah. Itu duit semua, enggak pake upil. Tentu saja saya sebagai manusia dengan kapasitas kantong seadanya merasa gatel ngeliat angka itu. Jiwa kritis saya bergejolak, saya nanya sama si Bos. “ Bos, kok mahal betul?” Si Bos Cuma tersenyum dan tanpa dosa menjawab singkat padat jelas pake telor, “ harga kedelai naik.”

Saya terhenyak kaget, mata melotot, pandangan lurus kedepan, mulut melongo hampir ngiler. Soalnya Dian Sastro lewat di depan saya.

Becanda.

Saya garuk-garuk kepala. Satu pertanyaan muncul: Apa hubungannya mesin PLC ama Kedelai? Perasaan power supply mesin PLC tu listrik, bukan tahu bacem.

Ah, biarin deh. Saya enggak peduli. Yang penting kegiatan sukses.

Seiring berjalannya waktu, kedelai mulai berulah lagi. Harga ayam goreng naik. Saya tanya lagi, “ Kok naik mas?” trus masnya jawab sambil nerusin acara pembantaian paha-paha ayam, “ Harga kedelai naik mas.” Otak saya langsung ngasih perintah ke mata untuk melihat etalase itu warung. Disitu hanya ada ayam dan bebek hasil korban mutilasi. Saya tidak melihat makhluk sejenis tempe. Pertanyaan saya: Kenapa harga kedelai mempengaruhi harga ayam goreng? Apa mungkin sebenernya ayam adalah hasil evolusi dari kedelai? Gile..

Dan Kedelai bikin ulah lagi. Saya sempet nego dengan tukang ojek untuk nganter ke rumah. Si tukang ojek menawarkan ongkos yang saya tidak ridho! Saya langsung protes, “Mas, mahal amat?” dan masnya jawab apa? Yup, “ harga kedelai naik.” Ini benar-benar tidak ilmiah dan melanggar hukum kekekalan energi. Nenek-nenek salto juga tahu kalo bahan bakar motor tu pake premium, bukan bubur tempe. Trus kenapa kedelai bisa masuk ke berbagai segi kehidupan? Dengan seenak jidatnya kedelai mengganggu kestabilan harga.

Oke deh, saya coba tanya Icha si mahasiswi ekonomi IPB tingkat akhir. Berharap bisa mendapatkan jawaban yang significant. Ada apa sih di balik KEDELAI??

Oya, kak Icha ini bukan basistnya Jikustik, bukan juga icha-icha di dinding, apalagi Icha si pendekar jempol naga. Bukan…bukan dia, tapi Icha ini adalah temen SD saya yang sekarang tumbuh berkembang menjadi gadis dengan poni lurus di atas alis. Keren poni lo cha…

Yah, ada baiknya saya tanya ama dia. Dan dia menjawab, “ada-ada aja lo dim…emang siapa sih kedelai itu?” Ini dia, ICha telah melanggar kode etik tata bahasa, melibas konsep bahasa yang telah dibangun sejak jaman sumpah pemuda. Dalam aturan Indonesian grammar, kalimat tanya harus dijawab dengan kalimat berita. Namun apa yang ICha lakukan? Kalimat tanya yang saya ajukan malah dijawab dengan kalimat tanya pula… Ini salah, Cha. Tapi tak apalah, tak ada gading yang tak retak, tak ada hidung yang bersih dari komedo, besar pasak daripada tiang.

Tapi Icha akan coba membawa permasalahan ini kedalam suatu forum bersama temen-tememnya. Paling enggak ini bisa Icha jadikan topik pembuka, sebelum topik inti : “Kenapa kiki fatmala bisa berantem lagi ama nyokapnya?”

Belum kejawab

Abie with love

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